


it has to be clear (it has to be right)

by SJAandDWfan



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, so i binged it all in a day and now im here hi hello, this ship has me by the heart already
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 20:56:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16048403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SJAandDWfan/pseuds/SJAandDWfan
Summary: For a moment, there’s no party downstairs; no parents, no Sam, no Evan. There’s just her and Izzie, in their own little bubble, safe under the glow of the fairy lights in Casey’s room.orfrom the forehead promise, to the car, and beyond.





	it has to be clear (it has to be right)

**Author's Note:**

> sooooo i binged all of atypical yesterday and fell in love with it and with casey and izzie. there's not much fic out there for them yet, and i've been having writers' block with my main wip, so i decided to write a little something to contribute to this pairing!
> 
> also, the finale gave me a really good springboard to write from (please renew it @ netflix i need season three in my life)
> 
> title taken from destroyer by panama aka the song playing in the car scene at the end of 2x10
> 
> enjoy!

“Let’s forehead promise to never leave each other again.”

Izzie smiles at her winningly (and, if Casey didn’t know better, she’d say somewhat nervously, too), and Casey still has a lot of questions about everything that had happened, but the most pressing of them is:

“Okay, what is that?”

A pinky promise, sure, Casey’s well aware of what that is. She guesses that a forehead promise uses the same concept, but she’s never heard of it before. Izzie stands, and for a split-second, Casey thinks she’s putting more space in between them.

“Come here, I’ll show you,” Izzie says, and then she’s repositioning herself on Casey’s bed, kneeling with her legs to the side and shifting closer.

Casey shifts too, trying to mirror the way Izzie’s sitting. Izzie tucks her hair behind her ear, and there’s a second where they just look at each other. Casey’s overwhelming feeling is one of relief – relief that things between her and Izzie are okay again. Falling out with her had been stomach-turningly awful, and the calm that washes over her at the sight of Izzie’s smile directed at her once again is powerful.

Izzie pushes forwards, then, pressing their foreheads together. They both laugh at the same time, and it’s not lost on Casey how ridiculous this must look. Casey guesses there and then from the slight awkwardness in the way that Izzie leans in that there’s no such thing as a forehead promise.

“That’s it,” Izzie says after a few seconds, tucking her hair behind her ear again.

Casey lets out another small laugh, although she’s not quite sure why. There’s a buzzing that’s started in her stomach, and she tries to ignore it, focusing her eyes on Izzie’s face instead.

She glances up to meet Izzie’s gaze.

“Is it obvious that I just made this up?” Izzie asks quietly, and Casey smiles. The buzzing intensifies and she laughs nervously.

Izzie grins at her, and her face is starting to go out of focus, so Casey drops her eyes to Izzie’s mouth. The buzzing starts to spread outwards until Casey can feel it in her arms. Izzie’s lips, pulled back in a smile, look soft.

Casey feels her own smile start to drop as her mind empties of anything that isn’t Izzie. For a moment, there’s no party downstairs; no parents, no Sam, no Evan. There’s just her and Izzie, in their own little bubble, safe under the glow of the fairy lights in Casey’s room.

Casey doesn’t think their faces have ever been this close.

Casey feels her breathing get shallower, and there’s a silence that’s starting to become deafening. Her brain feels cloudy, and it’s like all she can see is Izzie. All she can think about is Izzie, and how pretty she is, and how soft her lips look.

Izzie bites down gently on her own bottom lip, and Casey’s past the point of no return.

She feels herself start to lean in, her eyes fluttering closed. Their noses brush, and Casey knows that Izzie’s leaning in too, that they both want this to happen.

All of the confusion, and the hurt, and the pain of not speaking – it all feels like it’s been building towards this moment. The moment when Casey feels like she stops breathing. Izzie pulls back minutely, but then their noses are brushing again, and it feels like there’s more purpose to it, and Casey can feel the buzzing in the very tips of her fingers.

The door opens.

“Hey Casey, I—”

Casey jumps back like she’s been electrocuted, leaning as far away from Izzie as she can without falling off her bed as her mom stands in the doorway.

“Mom,” Casey cuts her off, sitting on her hands and very much not looking at Izzie.

Elsa stumbles through something about the cake being ready, and Casey tells her they’ll be down in a second, and Casey wonders if her mom knows what she’d almost walked in on.

“Hi, Mrs Gardner,” Izzie says quietly, nervous smile on her face, and Elsa gives her a little smile in return.

She lingers in the doorway, casting one last glance back at the two of them, and Casey thinks that Elsa knows full well what had almost happened.

It’s like a bucket of cold water has been dumped on Casey’s head.

She’d almost kissed Izzie.

She would have kissed Izzie, if not for the interruption. Guilt spreads through her body, and she kind of wants to cry. She stares at the wall of her bedroom, feeling Izzie turn shy beside her, and Casey also wants to punch herself.

She’d almost ruined two of her relationships, and for what?

Ignoring the part of her brain that tells her how right being that close to Izzie had felt, Casey mumbles something about going downstairs. Izzie nods silently.

 

\----------

 

In hindsight, it had been a cruel thing to do, kissing Evan like that in front of Izzie.

But Evan is her boyfriend, and one of the sweetest guys Casey’s ever met, and she loves him. And maybe she needs the reassurance of that when she kisses him, hyperaware of Izzie standing behind her on the stairs. Is that so bad?

_Yes. It is._

Because she had almost cheated. Casey had nearly done the thing which she’d despised her mother for doing.

Evan doesn’t deserve that. Hell, Izzie doesn’t deserve that either.

And now, sitting in her car with Izzie in the parking lot of an unfamiliar 7-Eleven four towns over, Casey can’t help but feel like someone is going to get hurt.

“I really love him,” Casey says, and she means it. She does love Evan, a lot, but it doesn’t stop the feeling that maybe she’s not _in love_ with him anymore from creeping in. She nods, almost like she’s trying to convince herself.

“I know you do,” Izzie says, and her voice is difficult to read. And as much as a part of Casey doesn’t want to, she keeps talking. She has to say it.

“It’s just sometimes, a thing feels like…” Casey says, and this is where words get difficult. She takes a breath before continuing. “So right. You know?”

She doesn’t need to be looking at Izzie to notice the quiet intake of breath.

Because Casey’s not stupid. She knows now that she has feelings for Izzie. She’s almost certain that Izzie has feelings for her, too. But nothing can happen between them. Casey refuses to be that person. She refuses to cause any more pain than she needs to.

But Izzie’s hand is so close to hers, and she wants to reach over and take it. She wants to, but she doesn’t know how.

But, then again, she and Izzie have pretty much always been on the same wavelength.

She feels Izzie’s pinky finger brush against her hand, and she moves her own so that their pinkies are interlocked. Casey can do that. It’s like a pinky promise, right?

She wants more.

Keeping her eyes dead ahead on the empty beat up truck parked opposite them, Casey swallows, and inches her hand closer to Izzie’s. She feels Izzie’s hand cover her own, and hears the almost silent sigh of relief as Izzie’s body relaxes.

Casey swallows again, her eyes flickering around the parking lot to stop herself looking at Izzie. To stop herself asking Izzie if she feels it too.

Slowly, Casey turns her hand over so that their palms are together. She’s not sure which one of them interlaces their fingers. Maybe they both do it at the same time. Either way, now she’s holding hands with Izzie – like, properly holding hands with her – and it’s ridiculous how even this takes her breath away. Their hands fit together perfectly, and Casey doesn’t even want to breathe; doesn’t want to disturb this moment of absolute stillness.

Her phone vibrates with an incoming call.

She looks at the screen, picking up the phone with her left hand. It’s Evan. Of course it’s Evan.

He’s probably calling to check if they’re still on for tonight. But he doesn’t know that Casey’s four towns away, and that she and Izzie finished studying hours ago, and that she kind of feels like one of the most important moments of her life is happening right now.

She declines the call.

 

\----------

 

Casey spends the next few days torn.

It’s not even as simple as being torn between two people who mean a lot to her. It’s being torn between what she knows; what she’s comfortable with… and what’s unchartered territory. It’s being torn between staying safe with her feet on the ground, and jumping off a cliff.

She knows she’s withdrawn, and she knows she’s avoiding everyone, but she needs time alone to think. To weigh up the pros and cons.

Casey briefly considers asking Sam for help; he’s good at pros and cons, but she decides pretty quickly that this is something she needs to do by herself. She knows people are starting to worry about her, but Casey refuses to burden anyone with this unless she absolutely has to.

In the end, it’s her dad who helps her figure it out.

He walks in on Casey pacing her room. She doesn’t pace like Sam does – around in circles – but rather, back and forth at the foot of her bed. She’s thinking about Izzie, and about Evan, and about how different she feels with each of them.

“Everything okay?” Doug asks from the open doorway, and Casey jumps. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” she says shortly, ignoring his apology. Her dad doesn’t move, he just looks at her in concern, and before she knows it Casey’s spilling her feelings. Really, it’s embarrassing how little it takes.

“I have feelings for Izzie,” Casey says, shutting her eyes and letting her feet come to a stop. She braces, although she’s not sure for what.

Casey feels a hand on her shoulder, and she cracks one eye open to look up at her dad. His expression is sympathetic, and Casey lets out a breath. She keeps talking.

“I love Evan, I do, and I don’t want to hurt him.”

“But?” Doug prompts gently.

Casey sighs. “But the Izzie thing isn’t going to go away.”

Her dad guides her to the foot of the bed, and they both sit. He lifts one arm and Casey immediately burrows into his side, like she had done as a small child. He strokes her hair.

“Has anything happened?” He asks, and it’s innocent enough, but Casey knows what’s underneath it.

_Did you do to Evan what your mother did to me?_

“No,” Casey says. “Something almost did, though,” she admits. “I’m the worst.”

“Hey,” her dad says immediately. “You’re not.”

“But I—” Casey swallows, and her fears come  bubbling to the surface. “I’m just like mom.”

“No,” her dad says, firmer this time. “Casey, listen to me. You’re beating yourself up over this, but you didn’t cheat on Evan, okay?”

“Not physically,” Casey says, and she hates how her voice wavers. “But I have feelings for Izzie, and I’m still with Evan, and it’s not fair on either of them.”

“Does Izzie have feelings for you too?” Doug asks gently.

Casey nods as the tears start to fall. Izzie hasn’t said it explicitly, but Casey knows she feels the same. She _knows_.

“I don’t know what to do,” Casey admits. “Who to choose. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Her dad sighs heavily. “I think that, whatever you choose, someone’s going to get hurt.”

Casey sucks in a breath.

“You just have to choose whether to hurt one person, or to hurt three.”

“What does that even mean?” Casey groans, sniffing as her dad continues to smooth her hair.

“It means that you should do what feels the most right,” her dad tells her, and Casey’s breath catches in her throat.

Because her dad doesn’t know about what she’d told Izzie in the car. He doesn’t know about what a part of her brain had felt after almost kissing Izzie in her room. He doesn’t know what feels the most right, but Casey does.

 

\----------

 

She breaks up with Evan the next day, and it’s one of the hardest things she’s done.

They both cry, and Casey apologises until she feels like she can’t breathe, Evan soothing her; telling her it will be alright. Casey doesn’t tell him about Izzie. She can’t; not yet. But she will. When she’s had a chance to talk to Izzie herself.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Evan swallows. “As a friend, if that’s what you want. Just… give me some time.”

Casey nods, hugging him tightly. She really doesn’t deserve him.

She doesn’t want to just jump into things with Izzie, though, but she does text her an apology for being absent the past few days, and asks if Izzie wants to study together again. Izzie texts back seconds later, and Casey smiles through the last of her tears.

Things with Izzie aren’t as awkward as Casey had expected. Sure, there’s an unspoken tension there, but Izzie’s always seemed to know where Casey’s boundaries are, and she’s careful not to cross them.

They both know it has to be Casey who makes the first move. If she makes the first move.

 

\----------

 

A month passes, and Casey doesn’t feel the stab of guilt when she looks at Evan now. He’s her friend now, and it’s strange how quickly they fall into that friendship. Mostly, Casey’s just relieved that he doesn’t hate her.

She’s been spending a lot of time with Izzie too, and Casey still wants to kiss her, like, all the time. She wants to kiss her so badly, but the timing never seems right, or she chickens out, or she worries that Izzie doesn’t feel that way about her anymore. That she’s kept her waiting too long.

She can tell that Izzie wants to talk about it, about them, but she doesn’t.

Casey throws herself into running, pushing herself further than she though was possible. She runs until she can’t think straight, until her lungs burn just that bit more than usual, until she feels like she won’t somehow screw this up.

It’s when she comes back from a run that she sees Izzie sitting on her porch, waiting. Izzie grins as soon as she sees her, standing up as Casey jogs over. She’s here. She’s here, and she’s so beautiful, and Casey aches with how much she wants her.

“Hey, Newton,” Izzie says, just a bit shy, eyes lingering on where Casey’s tank top leaves her arms and shoulders bare.

“Iz,” Casey pants.

Izzie goes in for a hug, and Casey sidesteps her.

“I’m sweaty,” she protests, and Izzie rolls her eyes.

“Come here,” she says, and this time, Casey lets Izzie draw her in. She wraps her arms around Izzie’s waist as the smell of her shampoo hits her, and Casey feels her whole body relax into Izzie’s embrace.

Casey doesn’t know if it’s her own heart that’s racing, of if it’s Izzie’s. Maybe it’s both of them, and Casey knows that her own heart rate has little to do with the run she’d just finished.

God, she loves Izzie so much.

Casey’s brain short-circuits. She loves Izzie. She _loves_ Izzie.

And yeah, she’d said as much to Evan way back when, during the time she and Izzie had been fighting, but she thinks she might be starting to feel it in a whole new way. Part of Casey wants to panic, but Izzie’s arms around her neck keep her grounded. The tightness of the hug keeps her calm.

Casey lets her eyes slip closed, just for a moment, and breathes her in.

“Are you sniffing my hair, Newton?” Izzie asks with a smile in her voice, and Casey laughs.

She pulls back far enough to see Izzie’s expression, but keeps her arms wrapped around her waist, and opens her eyes to see Izzie gazing steadily at her. It takes her breath away, and her usual recovery time is good enough that she shouldn’t be out of breath now, so she knows that this is all Izzie’s doing.

“Izzie,” Casey whispers.

“Yeah?” Izzie swallows, and she’s looking at Casey the way she had in her room, when they’d forehead promised to never leave each other again. And right now, Casey knows they’d both meant it. That they both still mean it.

“I—”

Casey dips her head, her tongue tripping over the words in her brain. There’s so many of them that she wants to say, but she still doesn’t know how.

“Hey,” Izzie whispers, unwinding one arm from around Casey’s shoulders. Casey feels fingers under her chin, and then Izzie’s tilting her head up so that she can look her in the eyes. Izzie smiles at her, so softly that Casey can’t quite believe it.

Izzie knows. Izzie always knows.

And there’s so much Casey wants to say to her, so much, but Izzie _knows_. She sees her and she just knows. Casey marvels at the fact that once again, Izzie’s on the same wavelength as her. Her eyes drop to Izzie’s lips. They still look soft.

“I want to kiss you,” Casey breathes.

She glances up at Izzie’s eyes just in time to see them crinkle as she smiles, and she knows that this is the right time. She hadn’t expected it to be until she’d seen Izzie sitting on her porch a minute ago, but Casey knows that this is it.

“So kiss me,” Izzie says.

Casey feels herself start to lean in, her eyes fluttering closed. Their noses brush, only this time neither of them hesitates.

The first press of Izzie’s lips is pure magic, Casey thinks, and she had been right about them looking soft. Izzie kisses her gently, almost reverently, and the fingers that had been under her chin move around to cup her cheek. Izzie’s other hand slides up into her hair, and Casey shivers, wrapping her own arms tighter around Izzie’s waist.

Casey pulls back, pressing back in almost immediately. Her lips part as she kisses Izzie again, firmer this time, and she gets the sudden, ridiculous thought that she had been put on this planet to kiss this girl. She captures Izzie’s bottom lip between her own, like she’s wanted to do so many times, and just about melts when she hears a tiny, breathy sound come from Izzie’s mouth.

Casey never wants to stop kissing her.

Her knees go weak when she feels Izzie’s tongue part her lips further, just barely slipping into her mouth. To her embarrassment, she can’t stop a whimper from escaping, but Izzie just smiles against her lips, kissing her again.

Casey grins into it, still embarrassed, and the kiss breaks – both of them smiling too widely to keep going.

Izzie laughs breathlessly, leaning her forehead against Casey’s. She steals another kiss; a quick press of her mouth to Casey’s own, like she can’t help herself.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a really long time,” she admits.

“Me too,” Casey murmurs. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

She feels Izzie shake her head slightly. “Don’t be. I would’ve waited forever.”

Casey grins, relief flooding through her body. “You’re so cheesy.”

“You love it,” Izzie says, her thumb stroking over where it still rests on Casey’s cheek.

And, well. She’s not wrong.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you guys for reading!
> 
> if you feel so inclined, please feel free to leave a comment - it's my first time writing them so i'm a lil bit nervous about this one!
> 
> my tumblr is ilovemyships, and my twitter is @shegaylol, i post a lot of f/f multifandom stuff if that interests anybody :)


End file.
